You need to talk. You need to talk money. You know it. But what you don’t know is how to bring it up! How can you get your partner to listen to you and open up in turn? Here are a few tips not only on how to get a conversation started, but to also keep it going!
When approaching your partner for a conversation on an important issue, you must eliminate
words such as “but”, “always”, and “never” as these words are inflammatory and will elicit
defensive responses from your partner. People can’t and won’t listen when they feel attacked
or when they feel badly about themselves!
Rather use corrective language – reframe your words to be proactive and reflect your own
feelings instead of accusing the other. Start conversations by using positive statements!
For example:
WRONG APPROACH…
“We’ll Never be able to retire.”
“You Always dismiss my concerns. I’m not stupid, you know.”
“How do you expect me to stretch this money to buy holiday
gifts?”
“If you think your mother’s coming to live with us, you’ve got
another think coming.”
“I sure hope you’ve put some money away for Johnny’s college.”
RIGHT APPROACH…
“I’m concerned about our retirement.”
“I know I’m smart but I’ve avoided money matters. I need to
become more informed.”
“I’d like to sit with you and figure out what we need for holiday
gifts in addition to our basic expenses.”
“I’m concerned about how we can manage to have your mother
live with us.”
“I’d like to know our financial plan for our children’s education.”
A good way to open conversation with your partner is to discuss what you know or hope to be mutual dreams and goals:
• “Do we want to travel?”
• “Do we want to see the grandchildren on birthdays?”
• “Do we want to join a country club?”
• “Do we want to be more visible in the community, and invited to more prestigious social events?”
• “Do we want to be more philanthropic?”
• “Do we want to gift our grandkids money for college/start a business?”
• “Do we want to start our own business?”
• “Do we want to volunteer for our favorite charities?”
• “Do we want to participate in house swaps around the world?”
• “Do we want to plan singular events and also joint events as we retire?”
… “Then let’s talk about how to work together to achieve that!
